Getting the Love You Want
People react to conflict in one of two ways: Minimizing or Maximizing. In Imago, we call the Minimizer the Turtle and the Maximizer the Hailstorm. It is derived from our most primal instincts to protect ourselves – when we don’t feel safe, we fight, flight or freeze. And of course, given the reality that “opposites...
Four provocative truths every married couple needs to know Falling in love is amazing! The excitement of meeting someone new brings out the best in all of us; the journey ahead feels like an open road full of possibility … but, then something happens: Either the relationship starts to feel stale, or perhaps money issues,...
For the past 30 years, we have searched for the formula for the perfect marriage. Our subjects were hundreds of couples in our workshops and therapy sessions whom we asked to describe their dream marriage. “If your relationship was ‘just right,’” we asked, “what behaviors would you engage in and what adjectives would you use...
The question we are asked most often is: “what do you do if your partner doesn’t…..(do any imaginable thing!) or “what if you are married to someone who is…..(any imaginable bad trait or behavior).” In the past we have responded to these questions with answers addressed to the specifics. As we have listened to my...
If you are still waiting and wishing that your partner would just see the light and behave in the way you that think he or she should, then you are living a fantasy. Most of us live with a figment of our imagination rather than the real flesh and blood person who is our partner....
In today’s increasingly image-based culture, it’s easy to feel like everyone has the perfect relationship – everyone but you, that is. Even the most idyllic relationships experience negativity and inevitable ruptures in connectivity. As noted in Getting the Love You Want, “Negativity is any thought, word, or deed that tells your partner, “You’re not OK...
As couples find themselves at home now more than ever before due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many relationships are feeling the strain. Work-related stress, childcare difficulties, interrupted routines and lack of social connections compound the difficulty of these uncertain times, leading overwhelmed partners to interacting from a place of frustration. Struggling for a way to...
By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D Do you know that if you fully listen to your partner, I mean listen without judgment or filters, you will discover another person you never knew? And if you are listened to in the same way, you will overcome fear and find a part of yourself...
Love is something we’re all after. Whether it’s gaining it or maintaining it, however, love can feel elusive at times. But why is this? What might block one from experiencing the love meant for his or her own life? In their book, Receiving Love, Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. identify this common...
