Posts by Harville & Helen

Mismatched Marriages

By Harville & Helen / 06/06/2019

When we met Margaret and Sam, the contrast between them was obvious. He was dressed in a pin-striped suit with a red “power tie.” She was wearing an elaborate, colorful, frilly dress trimmed in lace, a stylish hairdo and impeccable make-up. He looked like a soldier from Wall Street; she looked like an actress from...

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Overcoming the Negativity Bias

By Harville & Helen / 05/16/2019

Imagine scripting a perfect day with your partner. You set out on a hike on a beautiful Sunday morning, take a dip at a refreshing waterfall with no one around, snack on the fruit salad and sandwiches you prepared together, and – feeling connected and energized – you head back home. And then one of...

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The Space-Between

By Harville & Helen / 04/03/2019

Most people describe a committed love relationship as consisting of two people. But we define a love relationship as two people plus the Space-Between them.” This Space-Between is a core theme in our work with couples. But what is it and how does it help guide you and your partner to create a conscious, thriving...

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Why Take the Hard Road?

By Harville & Helen / 03/08/2019

If we no longer feel any love for our partner, if we fight continuously, or we live together in mutual silence, why shouldn’t we call it quits? If we are convinced that we are with the “wrong” person (different values, different goals, different parenting styles, different everything) why bother trying to work it out? Although...

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Stop Abusing Your Partner with Negativity

By Harville & Helen / 02/13/2019

During the time our marriage teetered between renewal and divorce, we were visiting a book store when we happened on a book about how astrology affects relationships. Just for fun, we opened to the page where our two astrological signs intersected. Then we read, “You will destroy your relationship unless you stop the unrelenting negative...

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The Golden Rule for Lovers

By Harville & Helen / 01/30/2019

The time-honored golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is a profound instruction for relationships in general. But in intimate partnerships, we need to take this admonishment a step further. Our golden rule for couples is: “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” Instead of...

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