Posts by Harville & Helen

The Birth of Love

By Harville & Helen / 12/04/2018

When we fall in love, suddenly we see life in technicolor.  We nibble each others’ ears and tell each other everything; our limitations and rigidities melt away.  We’re sexier, smarter, funnier, more giving.  Now we feel whole, we feel like ourselves, we areconnected. But inevitably–whether we marry or move in together– things just start to go wrong.  The...

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Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams

By Harville & Helen / 11/08/2018

Most of us grew up with a fantasy dream relationship, of finding the “perfect person” and living “happily ever after.” But sometimes, real life is somewhat of a letdown. Life gets busy. The relationship feels stale or becomes highly conflicted. There are bills to pay, diapers to change, meals to cook and projects to complete....

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Curiosity Killed the Cat, But It Can Save Your Marriage

By Harville & Helen / 10/23/2018

Couples trying to revive the romance they felt in the early stages of their relationships sometimes turn to big, headline strategies to demonstrate their affection for their mate. They take exotic vacations, buy expensive gifts, or make elaborate Valentine’s Day or anniversary efforts in the hopes that with intensive, regularly scheduled maintenance, love will trundle...

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Are you a Turtle or a Hailstorm?

By Harville & Helen / 10/11/2018

“The more I tried to get him to respond to me, the more he retreated into silence.” ~ Patricia People react to conflict in one of two ways: by Minimizing or Maximizing their energy. Under stress, Minimizers tend to hold in their reactions, containing their energy deep inside. Conversely, when Maximizers are anxious, they tend...

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Getting the Love You Want

What is Getting the Love You Want All About?

By Harville & Helen / 09/20/2018

What is love? Love is a verb, not a noun. It does not exist independent of behavior. It is created or destroyed minute by minute by what we do. Love is an act that is accompanied by a feeling, but it is not a feeling itself. It is the behavioral commitment of one person to...

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