Getting the Love You Want
During the time our marriage teetered between renewal and divorce, we were visiting a book store when we happened on a book about how astrology affects relationships. Just for fun, we opened to the page where our two astrological signs intersected. Then we read, “You will destroy your relationship unless you stop the unrelenting negative...
Harville and Helen were guests on episode 201 of the “Love Intently” podcast with Sophie Kwok!
The time-honored golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is a profound instruction for relationships in general. But in intimate partnerships, we need to take this admonishment a step further. Our golden rule for couples is: “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” Instead of...
One of the core ideas of Imago Therapy is that the underlying cause of most couples’ discontent lies buried beneath the surface. Superficially, partners argue about household chores, money, parenting styles, their next vacation, or who is spending too much time on their cell phones. Outside of their awareness, however, each one is being compelled...
When we fall in love, suddenly we see life in technicolor. We nibble each others’ ears and tell each other everything; our limitations and rigidities melt away. We’re sexier, smarter, funnier, more giving. Now we feel whole, we feel like ourselves, we areconnected. But inevitably–whether we marry or move in together– things just start to go wrong. The...
Most of us grew up with a fantasy dream relationship, of finding the “perfect person” and living “happily ever after.” But sometimes, real life is somewhat of a letdown. Life gets busy. The relationship feels stale or becomes highly conflicted. There are bills to pay, diapers to change, meals to cook and projects to complete....
Couples trying to revive the romance they felt in the early stages of their relationships sometimes turn to big, headline strategies to demonstrate their affection for their mate. They take exotic vacations, buy expensive gifts, or make elaborate Valentine’s Day or anniversary efforts in the hopes that with intensive, regularly scheduled maintenance, love will trundle...
“The more I tried to get him to respond to me, the more he retreated into silence.” ~ Patricia People react to conflict in one of two ways: by Minimizing or Maximizing their energy. Under stress, Minimizers tend to hold in their reactions, containing their energy deep inside. Conversely, when Maximizers are anxious, they tend...
What is love? Love is a verb, not a noun. It does not exist independent of behavior. It is created or destroyed minute by minute by what we do. Love is an act that is accompanied by a feeling, but it is not a feeling itself. It is the behavioral commitment of one person to...
